I don't know if anyone have noticed this, but my drawings are getting lazier and lazier.

I don't love things particularly, i just like them. Like, i like cars. I like guns, cops stuff, cats, french fries, manga, 90's stuff, etc...

But I'm not inspired. I just draw what i feel on a period of time, and when this period pass, I draw something else. That's why I drop so many projects or concepts so quickly. I don't feel the emotion I associated with this work, so I drop it and work on something that fit my current feeling.

Mh. Boring.

My life is also very uneventful. I know that it's better this way, but paired with my indifference? It suck. Midly.

I also have no goals in life. I don't care about getting a job or a wife or whatever. I just don't care about myself. I'm not depressed, I'm actually happy, but maybe I'm too much happy? Too comfortable? Maybe i just fucking fried my dopamine receptors?

But at the same time, I'm too dumb to follow class. Too weak to follow sports. Too lazy and unmotivated to pursue any of the "Three Great Life Goals" (Job, Marriage, Kids)

It's as if the moment I became 18, we opened the big gates of adulthood for me to see after all these years, only to see a vast desert of nothing.

Well, i AM thankful that nothing is happening to me. But. It's boring, you know? I don't want to get in an accident or be the victim of whatever fucked up things happen to people though, and I'm very thankful.

I love nothing and I hate nothing. I'm just mildly concerned or moderately happy about things.

I'm not PASSIONATE. I don't have PASSION.

I wonder if everyone have this "I could talk about it for days" subject. I don't. Because I think that things come and go, and I'm actually not that smart, so I know I'll make mistakes in my judgement or knowledge.

Maybe I'm not daring enough?

I tried to explore more subjects with Singapura and Cracy, but... I'm getting unmotivated.

Now, I still wanna draw, but I don't know how or what. I have nothing to tell. Nothing to speak about.

I fear I'm losing my passion for art.

But at the same time, I'm a bit apathetic about it. It's not like it's the end of the world, right?

I'm getting lazier and lazier. Im skipping all my classes, and just sit around in my room. But I still help my family, doing the groceries and helping my siblings with their homework. I just don't want to work for myself anymore.

It's as if my body melted or was gradually crushed. But under what? I don't know.

I'm not sad, I'm not angry, I'm quite happy in fact. It's a very weird feeling. As if my life was too easy to be real.

It's like a very weird form of euphoria. Underwhelming euphoria.